Home Brew

by Daisy

This, my friends….

…is the worst beer you’ve ever had.

I brewed it myself. I followed the directions. It’s HORRIBLE.

I had JUST POURED it when I took this picture. See any fizz?

And let me tell you, it’s bitter as a third place beauty queen.

I think the problem with the taste lies in the excessive use of hops. My beer guy told me how much to use. Methinks he misunderstood how much I was making. LOTS OF HOPS.

But the carbonation? I have no idea. Dead yeast, maybe? All I know is that Mr. Ivory and I were so traumatized that we haven’t attempted it since. We’re afraid.

Bad beer is scary.


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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

anajz September 7, 2008 at 4:49 pm

I applaud your efforts. So many times I have thought about brewing our own beer or winemaking, but every time I think I am at a point where I will experiment, my thoughts turn to visions and an overwhelming fear of “growing” something that would kill a horse.

Ivory Soap September 7, 2008 at 6:51 pm

The whole bacteria thing isn’t as common as BAD TASTE. HA! I hear, though, that wine-making is MUCH harder to screw up. I think I’ll try that next.

Red Icculus October 7, 2008 at 4:31 pm

After the primary fermentation, most of the sugar is used up, but the yeast is still living. Right before you bottle, the beer will be flat, so you have to add “priming sugar”. The CO2 has nowhere to go so it makes bubbles.

Despite your dissatisfaction, I applaud your homebrew efforts!

Ivory Soap October 7, 2008 at 8:04 pm

Dude, we totally put in the corn sugar. Maybe not enough?

We used this recipe for our first try. We did the double malt version. The brew guy in town had us put in a whole package of dried hops in too.

Um, not good.

Joint Venture October 25, 2008 at 4:11 pm

Homebrewing is great — it’s way cheaper and it seriously tastes better than what you can get from the grocery store. It is like a science project for drinkers! My basement is well stocked with homebrew. I started last year and have developed some brews that are my absolute favorite.

I’ve saved and bought mostly 22 oz bottles as I’ve found that it is just easier cleaning and bottling and usually 22 oz is the perfect amount to drink.

Keep trying. My Homebrew store has a class every month. I recommend you go to it and see what step you left out.

Vonnie February 19, 2010 at 11:45 am

I hope you actually try again. There are so many different styles of beer you may not have picked one that you like. My family has been brewing our own beer for 11 months now and have only had 2 bad batches. The first one was because after we bottled it we went on a two week vacation and the tempertures soared to over 100 degrees in Seattle. Cause the beer to “skunk” even though it was in our crawl space under the house. Beer doesn’t like high tempertures after it is fermented.

Also you probably didn’t have enough sugar to re-energize the yeast, or there wasn’t enough yeast after fermentation to get the carbonation.

I would strongly suggest you try again. Home brewing and bottling is the ultimate recycling! you reuse the bottles multiple times, and the grains left over from brewing make great mulch for the garden or can be used to add texture and flavor to home made bread.

Matt April 15, 2010 at 1:45 pm

My first brew has had rave reviews!!! Even women who don’t like beer liked my brew, and it was a dark stout!

Major pitfalls of home brewing.
1. Directions. Follow them to a T, with nerd-like intensity. Details!
2. Cleanliness. Beer is the product of yeast fermenting. Bacteria wrecks this and causes horrible smells. Sanitize everything, including tap water.
3. Time. Beer gets better with age.
4. Recipe. Don’t try to be Sam Adams. Follow a tried and true recipe and enjoy. And then, don’t make an IPA if you don’t like hops.
5. Use a good kit. http://www.midwestsupplies.com. They’ve thought of everything, even the smallest pieces AND they have recipes with excellent directions.

Matt April 15, 2010 at 1:47 pm

And if I had to theorize your bad beer it’s bottling methods caused lack of fix. I had 2 bad bottles with no fiz in my batch and it as because I used a cork that had been pierced all the way through! That’s of course assuming you added the priming sugar after secondary fermentation, right before bottling.

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