Last night, around nine o’clock, my husband and I had HAD IT with our left bathroom sink drain. It has been clogging worse and worse every day for weeks.

So, I employed my 100% Natural Drain Cleaner–taught to me by a dear plumber friend:

Step 1: Get a bucket.

Step 2: Put bucket under u-shaped “trap” and unscrew the unscrewable-thingies with your fingers. (See below)

Step 3: Eventually, after you’ve struggled with them for a while, gotten jar openers out on them and asked the resident male person to take a twist at it, the whole U will drop into the bucket. Just before you feel it let go (there will be leaking prior, but you’ll know) HOLD YOUR BREATH. Blech. Blech. Blech.

Step 4: Sling anything foreign into the trash can, and anything ‘organic’ into the toilet. Rush to the tub and blast the whole mess with the shower head.

Step 5: Jump around with the gross out chills and try not to swear too loudly.

Step 6: With fear and trembling, return to the devil sink and check to see if there is anything hanging out from either open pipe, like a hair. That’s a hint that there’s more fun ahead of you. Remove the dangling whatever and BE CAREFUL. Last night, with covered hand, I yanked on a hair that was in the way of rescrewing it back together and was ambushed by a slimy eight-inch hair-and-heaven-knows-what turd that jumped out of my wall and took five years off my life. I still haven’t recovered.

Step 7: Screw the whole durn thing back together and congratulate yourself on saving 100$.

I’ve done this in the kitchen and both bathrooms. Usually, it’s not this traumatic, just pencils or beans or the occasional toothbrush, but really, it’s SO much cheaper and more ECO than anything else.

EW EW EW!!!!!!

Ivory

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