Child’s Snuggie

by Daisy

Materials:
-Child that watches too much Qubo (kids’ channel with exclusively As Seen on TV ads) and begs for a Snuggies, Slider Stations, and Smart Clips.
-Crapload of yellow yarn
-Big honking needle cause you’re not spending weeks on something that you suspect she only wants because the lady on the commercial has pretty hair.

1. Chain as wide as your kid in a multiples of three chs. Vastly overestimate, then remember that snuggies wrap around to the back. Shrug and move on.
2. Work pattern stitch the number of rows it takes to get to kid’s shoulder from floor.
3. Eyeball where sleeves need to be in the horizontal type way. Work pattern stitch to where sleeves need to be and ch a hole about twice the size of the skipped stitches. Repeat for other side.
4. Work pattern stitch across, up and over the chains, decreasing on successive rows as best you can until you get back to your original number of pattern stitches.
5. Stop adding rows when kid can cover nose with the top while arms in holes and dc around.

It should look something like this:

6. Leave as a sundress snuggie for two weeks while kid drags around house through juice and toddler tinkles.
7. Shove under bed in frustration.
8. Get bored watching teacher hubby work on yearbook and haul it back out.
9. Ch some multiple of three that is close to what you guess the arm holes were when last you worked on it.
10. Work pattern stitch around and around, until blind.
11. Go hold up to sleeping child’s arm. Ah, just right. Better add two more rows for grow-room.
12. Yawn and dc cuffs.
13. Spend next ten minutes trying to figure out the right and wrong sides of all pieces.
14. Give up and shove sleeves in holes. Sc around from behind.
15. Spend next century weaving in ends.

What? That’s not a real pattern? Well, that’s how it really happened. Fine. *sigh* Here you go…

Child’s Snuggie

WW acrylic, P needle
Pattern is worked holding two strands throughout.

Ch 69

R1-2 dc in fifth ch from hook, *skip 2 chs, 3 dc in next ch; repeat from * across, dc in last ch.
R2-(RS) Ch3, turn;*(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) three times, YO and draw through all four, ch1; repeat from * across, dc in top of turning chain.

NOTE: The whole “next dc” remark is so that you can use the same instructions all the way across, however, for that first stitch on the new row, it makes it sound like you count the turning chain as a dc and go to the “next.” This will make your whole pattern pull diagonally. For that first stitch, the NEXT dc is the one you’re in. Turning chain, then put the stitch in the SAME SPOT.

R3-(WS)Ch3, turn; 3 dc in each ch-1 across, dc in top of turning ch.
R4-R30 Repeat R2 and R3
R31-Ch3, turn;
–(3 dc in each ch-1) four times, ch 12 while skipping next two ch-1 spots.
–(3 dc in next ch-1) ten times, ch 12 while skipping two ch-1 spots.
–3 dc in each ch-1 across, dc in top of turning ch.

R32-
Ch3, turn;
–(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) three times, YO and draw through all four, ch1) four times.
–(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) four times, YO and draw through all five, ch1) three times.
–(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) three times, YO and draw through all four, ch1)9 times.
–(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) four times, YO and draw through all five, ch1) three times
–(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) three times, YO and draw through all four, ch1) across, dc in top of turning ch.

R33Ch3, turn;
–(3 dc in each ch-1) four times
–(2dc in each ch-1) three times
–(3 dc in each ch-1) ten times
–(2dc in each ch-1) three times
–dc in each ch-1 across, dc in top of turning ch.

R34- Ch3, turn;*(YO, insert hook in next stitch, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) three times, YO and draw through all four, ch1; repeat from * across, dc in top of turning chain.

NOTE: I realize that this will cause you to straddle the sleeve stitches. That’s fine, we’re reducing back down to the proper number of stitches.

R35-Repeat row 3
R36-Repeat row 2
R37-Repeat row 3
Dc around evenly.

Sleeves (make two)
Ch24 and join with slip stitch
SlR1-Ch 3, turn; *skip 2 chs, 3 dc in next ch; repeat from* around.
SlR2-Ch3, turn; 3 dc in each ch-1 around, join with slip stitch.
SlR3-16 repeat R1 and R2
SlR17-Double crochet around and join with slip stitch. This is the cuff

Put sleeves in armholes, with right sides together sc crochet around on WS.
Fasten off and weave in the ends.



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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Natalie August 10, 2009 at 4:06 am

OMG I love this… I laughed so hard reading this pattern… And this is just how it goes too… At my house anyways…. but I have animals who disturb me .LOLOL…
I love your original pattern it ‘s great !!!!
Natalie B
Moderator for Crochet Heaven

Natalie August 10, 2009 at 4:11 am

PS It’s very cute too by the way 😀
Have a great day!
~N~

Becky August 11, 2009 at 4:04 am

Love your sense of humor – thanks for the pattern!

Shelia Dillingham August 11, 2009 at 12:08 pm

I absolutely love the honesty of your pattern. LOL. I thought I was the only one who crocheted with such unorthadox methods.LOL. I loved this and hope you don’t mind if I share this site with some friends.
Hooking with kids around too
Shelia Dillingham in Alabama

Debbie August 11, 2009 at 3:31 pm

I love your first set of instructions!! LOL Sounds about right LOL Thanks for the pattern (and the giggle), its cute 🙂

brenda phillips August 12, 2009 at 7:47 am

Thanks, I needed that. But I’m going to attempt to make one of these for me. In the winter this will just hit the spot! Thanks for making my day!

Libby October 3, 2009 at 8:06 am

Warn people before reading! I nearly spit out my coffee. Yep, that’s realistic in my house too!!

Libby2 October 8, 2009 at 12:28 pm

I, too, launched coffee through my nose when I started reading this!!! I am currently teaching beginning crochet at a local craft store. Believe me, I’m going to use this in class with some of my older students. What a hoot.

BA Cobill November 16, 2009 at 6:52 pm

Loved it! LOL

Tamra December 3, 2009 at 12:38 am

I didn’t realize until I scrolled down further that the first part *wasn’t* the real instructions. Seemed reasonable to me lol. But then I’ve been known to take apart a favorite piece of clothing that’s either fallen apart beyond repair, or that’s “shrunk” since the last time you wore it (you know the item I’m talking about…you’ve had it for years but haven’t worn it in awhile & for some odd reason it’s smaller than you remember..), and craft a pattern so I can sew a new version.

Amy January 23, 2010 at 9:06 pm

OMG!! I think this is the best pattern I have ever read!! I laughed so hard! Thanks for the pattern!

madamedefarge January 27, 2010 at 8:45 am

Soooo. I think I would have remembered you living in MY house. The pattern was soo much like what I do all the time I started looking for hidden cameras. Laughed myself into a world class asthma attack.
Also am making one for my granddaughter.

Snuggie Pattern Fan February 10, 2010 at 8:48 pm

It is very nice to see people getting so creative with their own versions of Snuggies. They are fun and help you stay warm!

Nena March 1, 2010 at 8:42 pm

I was laughing so hard that I wet my pants! Seems workable to me. LOVE IT!

MariAngel April 26, 2010 at 3:50 pm

OMG! Definitely need to warn friends coming to read this to not sip on hot coffee or tea LOL I had a really good laugh and wondered if you’d taken a peak through my window when my kids were small. Brought back some lovely memories. Thank you for the laugh and cheering up. I’ve forwarded this link to a few friends I know will appreciate the tongue in cheek humour of your pattern description. I know I loved it!
All my nephews and nieces either have a commercially made snuggie or don’t want one, shame since I’d have chuckled all the way through making one of these. Thank you! 🙂

Angel

Natalie November 9, 2010 at 10:13 am

Thanks so much for the pattern and the great laugh… I am laughing so hard and cant stop. Thinking about my 6 1/2 yo granddaughter who wants ALL the stuff from infomercials…. thanks again

Wanda December 1, 2010 at 3:37 pm

LMBO………….I got as many giggles from all of the comments (esp. the ones about the warning, also the reading and drinking at the same time) as I did from the first part of your pattern. I just love reading what you and Ivory write. You have the most wonderful sense of humor and I just love it!

Love both you girls.

Kary January 6, 2011 at 12:56 am

I would like to say a big thank you for the best laugh I’ve had in months. It is very refreshing to read a “real” pattern for those of us who have had to crochet around the kids and grandkids!!!!!

Kathy Young January 26, 2011 at 3:28 pm

I loved this! I am not going to make one, but I enjoyed reading it and laughing out loud. My compliments! It’s always better to express your frustration in humor than to smack the kid or kick the dog. Almost always…..

coffeeshopgirl April 19, 2011 at 11:22 am

I love this pattern! I was laughing so much that my husband wanted to know what I was reading. He rolled his eyes when I told him. It works up so quickly and easily. I plan on making one for my niece and nephew for Christmas. I am also going to share it with my friend who has 5 kids and wants me to teach her to crochet. My daughter is 2 and loves her snuggie. Thank you for sharing your expertise.

Heather November 19, 2011 at 10:04 pm

LOOOVE it…I laughed so hard…I may attempt to make one of these for my DD for her carseat…and one for my 10 yo son to read in…lol it’s hilarious.

Lisa Jelle/Kaleidoscope Art&Gifts November 25, 2011 at 9:58 pm

LOVE you, and I FIR REAL also have a child addicted to infomercials and home shopping networks, lol. I find little notes around the house with 1-800 numbers scrawled on them for some ‘As seen on TV’ product that we ‘NEED’ 🙂 She’s been wanting a snuggie for a long time. I’m gonna have to try this out. Thanks! ~Lisa

Mcreger December 13, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I think that living in your house is pretty entertaining!

grams August 13, 2014 at 5:10 am

what a fantastic pattern your a very clever mum/lady I enjoyed reading the pattern.

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