Materials:
-Child that watches too much Qubo (kids’ channel with exclusively As Seen on TV ads) and begs for a Snuggies, Slider Stations, and Smart Clips.
-Crapload of yellow yarn
-Big honking needle cause you’re not spending weeks on something that you suspect she only wants because the lady on the commercial has pretty hair.

1. Chain as wide as your kid in a multiples of three chs. Vastly overestimate, then remember that snuggies wrap around to the back. Shrug and move on.
2. Work pattern stitch the number of rows it takes to get to kid’s shoulder from floor.
3. Eyeball where sleeves need to be in the horizontal type way. Work pattern stitch to where sleeves need to be and ch a hole about twice the size of the skipped stitches. Repeat for other side.
4. Work pattern stitch across, up and over the chains, decreasing on successive rows as best you can until you get back to your original number of pattern stitches.
5. Stop adding rows when kid can cover nose with the top while arms in holes and dc around.

It should look something like this:

6. Leave as a sundress snuggie for two weeks while kid drags around house through juice and toddler tinkles.
7. Shove under bed in frustration.
8. Get bored watching teacher hubby work on yearbook and haul it back out.
9. Ch some multiple of three that is close to what you guess the arm holes were when last you worked on it.
10. Work pattern stitch around and around, until blind.
11. Go hold up to sleeping child’s arm. Ah, just right. Better add two more rows for grow-room.
12. Yawn and dc cuffs.
13. Spend next ten minutes trying to figure out the right and wrong sides of all pieces.
14. Give up and shove sleeves in holes. Sc around from behind.
15. Spend next century weaving in ends.

What? That’s not a real pattern? Well, that’s how it really happened. Fine. *sigh* Here you go…

Child’s Snuggie

WW acrylic, P needle
Pattern is worked holding two strands throughout.

Ch 69

R1-2 dc in fifth ch from hook, *skip 2 chs, 3 dc in next ch; repeat from * across, dc in last ch.
R2-(RS) Ch3, turn;*(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) three times, YO and draw through all four, ch1; repeat from * across, dc in top of turning chain.

NOTE: The whole “next dc” remark is so that you can use the same instructions all the way across, however, for that first stitch on the new row, it makes it sound like you count the turning chain as a dc and go to the “next.” This will make your whole pattern pull diagonally. For that first stitch, the NEXT dc is the one you’re in. Turning chain, then put the stitch in the SAME SPOT.

R3-(WS)Ch3, turn; 3 dc in each ch-1 across, dc in top of turning ch.
R4-R30 Repeat R2 and R3
R31-Ch3, turn;
–(3 dc in each ch-1) four times, ch 12 while skipping next two ch-1 spots.
–(3 dc in next ch-1) ten times, ch 12 while skipping two ch-1 spots.
–3 dc in each ch-1 across, dc in top of turning ch.

R32-
Ch3, turn;
–(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) three times, YO and draw through all four, ch1) four times.
–(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) four times, YO and draw through all five, ch1) three times.
–(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) three times, YO and draw through all four, ch1)9 times.
–(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) four times, YO and draw through all five, ch1) three times
–(YO, insert hook in next dc, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) three times, YO and draw through all four, ch1) across, dc in top of turning ch.

R33Ch3, turn;
–(3 dc in each ch-1) four times
–(2dc in each ch-1) three times
–(3 dc in each ch-1) ten times
–(2dc in each ch-1) three times
–dc in each ch-1 across, dc in top of turning ch.

R34- Ch3, turn;*(YO, insert hook in next stitch, YO and pull up a loop, YO and draw through two loops) three times, YO and draw through all four, ch1; repeat from * across, dc in top of turning chain.

NOTE: I realize that this will cause you to straddle the sleeve stitches. That’s fine, we’re reducing back down to the proper number of stitches.

R35-Repeat row 3
R36-Repeat row 2
R37-Repeat row 3
Dc around evenly.

Sleeves (make two)
Ch24 and join with slip stitch
SlR1-Ch 3, turn; *skip 2 chs, 3 dc in next ch; repeat from* around.
SlR2-Ch3, turn; 3 dc in each ch-1 around, join with slip stitch.
SlR3-16 repeat R1 and R2
SlR17-Double crochet around and join with slip stitch. This is the cuff

Put sleeves in armholes, with right sides together sc crochet around on WS.
Fasten off and weave in the ends.