Some aspects of environmental friendliness come easily to me. It goes hand in hand with one of my hallmark characteristics: laziness. I don’t know how I got this way because by and large I come from hardworking stock. Perhaps I’m just a visionary. Yes. Let’s say I am an ecological visionary.
1. I almost never wash my car. Blessedly it’s that metallic sort of tan that blends in well with the dust. It only looks really dirty when parked next to everyone elses brilliantly polished ride. Where do you people find the time?
2. I don’t water my lawn. That’s okay, because it’s mostly weeds which are tenacious survivors, which leads me to number 3:
3. I don’t fertilize and herbicide my yard. Expensive, environmentally suspect, and . . . where do you people find the time? Seriously.
4. I hope you will refrain from canceling your rss feeds and immediately erasing all trace of this blog from your minds and hard drives, but . . . I seldom flush. Yes, yes, for serious things, but, for less weighty matters, not so much. It doesn’t feel necessary. All that water. That tiresome pushing down of the handle . . . Don’t hate me.
5. I don’t iron. Frankly, I don’t know how I would iron since there’s so much debris stacked on top of the ironing board it wouldn’t be worth it to try. I’ve figured out a way around this, though:
6. I wear the same thing day after day. I wish it were some sort of Georgia O’Keefe-ian “black in the winter, white in the summer” lifestyle/fashion statement. But frankly it’s more of a “hey this fits and if I scrape the dried oatmeal off the sleeve it doesn’t look that bad” statement. Sometimes I’ve even slept in it so I don’t have the opportunity to use that iron anyway. See the logic? Flawless.
This is off the top of my head. If I weren’t so stultifyingly slothful I could come up with more ways I give green living a black eye, but I think I’ve done enough.