It happens over and over again.
I look and look, with scratched hands and itchy arms, searching under the fuzzy, broad cucumber leaves for one more cuke.
The one I know is there, the camouflaged, (shape-shifting?), hidden-in-plain-sight cucumber.
Eventually the mosquitoes, partners in crime, get to me, and I give up.
“I guess I got them all,” I say to myself.
But I know better. It’s in there, laughing to itself, whispering, “I’m getting bigger, bigger, biiiigger . . .”
And it is. I find it later. DAYS later. With a startled, “AAAAGH! Where did you come from!”
And it is huge. Self-satisfied. With yellowing skin, fat body, and, of course, colossal, tough seeds.
Somewhere in the mass of vines, I’m convinced, is the grandaddy of them all: a tyrant cuke, big as a dirigible. One I won’t find until after the frost when I tear out the vines. Growing, growing, growing . . .
Hold me.
TL
TL, i have those once a week, they are always orange by the time i find them! how can i miss an ORANGE cucumber??? and yet i do. i think this summer i’ve had five orange ones.
This summer, I took those monsters and gutted them and made cucumber water with the skin and leftover inners attached to the skin. It was sooo refreshing!
Those and zukes!!
lol……I am sure I have several of these as well…cucumbers sure know how to take care of themselves!!!! At least you can dry your own seeds for next year!!
I have the same cat & mouse game with my yellow summer squash. By the time I find them, they’re as big as my arm!
Here’s the recipe for the enormous summer squash:
1. So my wife cuts them in half longways, then down the middle, then in half longways again (8 sections total).
2. Scoop out the guts into a big bowl, setting aside shell pieces.
3. Boil shell pieces in water to soften them up to an edible texture.
3. Mix squash guts with cooked Italian sausage, a can of Rotel, some mozarella cheese.
4. Spoon mixture into shells.
5. Bake on 400 for 15 minutes or until good and hot.
6. Add a little Parmesan cheese on top and let bake for another 5 minutes.
7. Serve and enjoy
I relly like this recipe because you get to enjoy your veggie, served in its own shell and it looks kinda fancy too. We’re usually able to feed the two of us for four meals on one squash.
TL, my dear, those monsters (and all the other monsters that inevitably happen when you get sick of picking cukes at the end of the season) are PERFECT and EXACTLY what you need for cinnamon pickles! You soak them in lime water (as in the powder lime, not the fruit) and then pickle them in a cinnamony brine. It sounds a bit strange but they are the most amazing crispy, candy-apple, tangy delicious things.
I like Kelsey’s idea for making cucumber water! I refuse to eat any cukes with seeds, even pickled cukes. :}
Hey, at least you’ve GOT cukes! Mine didn’t make it this year, not even one bit. 🙁
I don’t plant cucumbers….guess I am one of the few people in the universe who don’t like them. However, I always have one or two mammoth zucchini every year that get away from me in the same manner. Thats when we have several loaves of zucchini bread. One to eat now and others for freezer for later. I just love my little garden.
LOL! I am praying for you that that mega-cuke does not evolve teeth and legs…
I’m just happy to see the word “dirigible” in print. It’s been a while.
rowena–Yes, yellow, orange, neon, I think they have some sort of special camo powers.
Kelsey–That really sounds like a treat. Have to try it.
Ariana–Umhm, the zukes just grow overnight.
Tanya Walton–Good idea, I will have to save the ones from my favorites.
Matt S–Wow, delicious. Thanks for the recipe. I love rotel.
Laura–I made something called “party sticks” from some of mine, they sound like those except with pickling spice and extra cloves instead of the cinnamon. Lime, etc. They’re tasty. I’m with you on cinnamon, too, have to give that a go.
Teresa–Yes, I scoop them out and the hens seem to like them, so not all is lost.
Chris–Oh, no! No cukes! Next year?
Jan–I need to make some more zucchini bread. Thanks for the reminder.
lorrwill–Aaaahh! Stop! Naaanaaanaanaa not listening! not listening!
missourimom62–LOL! Or zeppelin?
Ya’all just make my day! The only things that grew in my garden this year are bell peppers and cherry tomatoes. Wait, I do have one watermelon plant that is still determined to make something. Everything else burned up in the heat even with my drip hose. Next year, I will use much much thicker mulch and plant the corn first. I am off to the local farmers market now to find me a huge zuke, I know one lady sells those there and gives a free recipe card for stuffed zuke dinner with the Rotel, like Matt’s wife does. Yumm-O !
they are slippery, those cucumbers, aren’t they? Loved your post, and will share your sorrow at missing vegetables by sharing a story about a friend who found a giant squash (not a pumpkin, it doesn’t have a real name here, we just call it “zapallo” which means squash) way up in a tree, where the vines had climbed up. A full-grown (6-8 lb) squash, missed? Lucky it didn’t fall on anyone’s head.
Glad to see your garden is bountiful, at any rate!
Eileen–Oh, boy, I can see the headline: Man Hit By Falling Squash. Thanks for the story and for your comment. I’ve now got to go see what a bear shaped sphere is. I’m very intrigued.
JavaLady–Well, cherry tomatoes are lovely, anyway. And hopefully that watermelon will do more than my tiny egg-sized ones!
I intentionally let some get away so that I can make cinnamon pickles, which I always make five gallons at a time. They go that fast…..
Joe
That’s hilarious. I had a zucchini that did the same thing. Never knew it was there and then I notice a zuke the size of baseball bat. Shocking.
ashley–It really is shocking. Like an alien presence.
Joe Zollars–I hear they are good! I am so impressed with the quantity–5 gallons!