I wanna buy ya everything

Except cologne

’cause it’s poison.

–Train (If It’s Love)

I have an odd history with perfume.

When I try on a perfume (parfum, eau de parfum, eau de toilette, it doesn’t matter), as soon as it touches my skin it starts to smell horrible. Acrid, cheap, nauseating. Any perfume, any and all expense levels, it goes wrong. Very wrong.

It smelled great in the bottle, in the air, on other people. On me–gross. I have to go wash it off with soap. Heaven forbid a little of it touched my nose when I was smelling it. I have to wash my nose then. Yes, wash my nose.

I’ve been this way my whole life.

It’s given me a little bit of a complex–like something is wrong with my body chemistry. Like, when they handed out superpowers, I got “Ability to Make Smellgood Smell Baaad.”

I have a sensitive nose, but that’s not it. I love perfume (nice perfume, in moderation) on other people.

While obviously it’s not a hardship, and it’s no doubt been a moneysaver over the decades, I confess I kept sneaking the occasional attempt. A sample in a store, a gift of perfume, I would still try it. I don’t know what I was thinking. Hope springs, etc.

Recently, I tried it again. I saw an ad for a sample of perfume that said it didn’t contain preservatives, phthalates, parabens, and stabilizers. Maybe that would work? I took the bait.

What follows is an unsolicited rave. I haven’t been compensated for this testimonial nor have they given me any free stuff.

The perfume is from a parfumier called PHLUR (pronounced like fleur, French for flower).

It smells good.

It smells good on me.

My conclusion is that my skin was reacting to those things in perfume this company doesn’t use. I don’t have any other sensitivities I’m aware of, but my skin was sure hatin’ on something.

It’s a small thing, but I’ve really enjoyed trying the 3 samples I picked out, wearing perfume that smelled like perfume and not battery acid for the first time in my life.

It also makes me even more suspicious of conventional perfume. I’d already given up on scented home products like fabric softeners, air fresheners, shampoo and other body products, because of the toxic chemicals, hormone disruptors, etc., and because they smelled bad, but I still like a bit of scent now and then.

It makes me wonder whether or not this perfume would be less offensive to people with allergic reactions to scent, for whom I feel a lot of sympathy. I guess it would depend on the nature of the sensitivity.

I’ve never heard of anyone else having my particular problem with perfume, only people who couldn’t stand the smell of ANY perfume.

I just hope I don’t go crazy and become Overwhelming Perfume Lady without knowing it. That would be wrong.

I promise to go easy.

Tell me if you can smell me from there.

What do you think about parfum?

Image Phlur